The 45-hour Road Trip

I never thought that one of the biggest highlights of a 45-hour cross-country road trip that included a stop at Niagara Falls and a parallel universe would be a trucker shower.

Granted, I’d never exactly had anything quite like this experience before. When I’ve taken road trips in the past, usually I’m given the opportunity to shower once or twice like a normal person. Sometimes, I even get to actually stop and sleep in a bed because I’m a cool dude like that. But this one was a bit different: A time limit of 3 days. 2600 miles to drive from Flagstaff, Arizona to Watertown, New York, then down to Newark, New Jersey. 2-3 friends in one car. A high tolerance for sitting and sleeping in confined positions for extended periods of time. A lot of red bull. Pre-planned stops, including a parallel universe, a cemetery, and a large waterfall.

Usually, when I explained my plans to people, I’d get some very baffled reactions.

In a whole college campus full of beautifully made brick buildings, I found a neat tree that was different than all the other trees. It's my favorite tree there.

The trip itself was divided up into two parts: The initial drive to Watertown from Flagstaff, and then the drive down to Newark. The first section, it was one friend and I splitting the driving and sleeping. Once we got to Watertown, we picked up another friend, then drove down to Newark dodging as many toll roads as we could. I’m not going to lie - it was decently imposing to think about. How would we ever survive? Would we be able to stand each other after so many hours in the car? Did anything even exist in the middle of the country besides endless fields of corn and small towns with annoyingly slow speed limits?

Actually, while those are all valid and important questions, the most important decision we had to make was whether or not we were going to stop for the night. We left Flagstaff at 4:30 am, so we had plenty of time to discuss the option. Did we stop to rest and possibly miss our delicate time window? Or did we shoulder on, ignoring the seductive siren call of the Motel 9 somewhere in the middle of Kansas? As challenging as this decision was, I soon found that I didn’t have to worry. My travelling companion had a will forged in iron with an adventurous spirit to match, is a perfect example of perseverance and determination, and will continue to be complimented by me, possibly forever, because she drove the entirety of the overnight section herself, as well as the first section on the chilly Sunday morning.

Needless to say, my standards for future road-tripping companions have been greatly elevated.

The skyline of Buffalo getting pretty flirty with clouds.

I think the biggest surprise for me, actually, was how easy the trip was once we got on the road. Very quickly, we settled into a rhythm: One person drove for 4-6 hours, casually dismissing the speed limit as something for other people, and the other napped in the passenger seat, providing witty commentary and snacks on request. Slowly, the miles began to disappear behind our little car. We listened to the beginnings of several podcasts, the first few hours of a couple audio books, and much of the good music on my tenacious mp3 player. And we drove, almost constantly, for 45 hours. In total, we passed through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Indiana, Illinois, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, and New Jersey. At a certain point, the land began to blend together in rush of unremarkable greens and browns of the countryside, broken up endless billboards and colorful state welcome signs. Writing this now, several days afterwards, I only vaguely remember where one state ended and the next began.

We wanted to keep our forward momentum as much as possible, so there were few planned stops - mostly we just waved out the window at things as they passed by. But, because this is America, there are quite a few fascinating things to find along the road. So, we decided to give a couple a try

In Oklahoma, in a small town pretty much only devoted to the campus of the Panhandle State University, we found a plaque dedicated to Kcymaerxthaere, a parallel universe. There are plaques all around the world describing various places and events that happened there. This one discussed the meaning behind the spot called No-Man’s Land. The plaque is in the middle of the college, surrounded by red-brick buildings and twisting trees that provided a cool respite from the sun. It was quiet; School was out, so the only living things we ran into were a couple of students coming back from the pool, and the local population of small biting insects, which at a rough estimate numbered about 3 million. Still, it was wonderfully calm, and we got out of there with most of our blood, and only sweating a little bit from the humidity.

We didn't actually get to go into the parallel universe. If we could, I feel like there would have been a bit more hubbub in the science community.

In Casey, Illinois, we stopped to see the world’s largest rocking chair, but were immediately distracted by the world’s largest mailbox and the world’s largest birdcage. Apparently, Casey is the place to be for giant things. Scattered among the small town streets are the world's largest pencil, wind chime, knitting needles, crochet hook, wooden shoes, and golf tee, all made by this one artist who seemed to be on a mission to build a fully furnished giant house, but got bored and left them sitting haphazardly all over the place. Found out you can’t sit in the giant rocking chair, so I ate a bagel to console myself. It was a good bagel.

The view from the giant mailbox. I didn't used to think of myself as a small town person, but now I ship it.

I thought about complaining that this wasn't made to accommodate me and my desire to sit in it, but we were in Casey just a short amount of time, and I didn't want to rock the boat.

At a Love’s in Springfield, Illinois, about midmorning on Monday, we reached our scheduled shower stop. I remember taking stock in my head as we drove up to the gas station. We were actually doing pretty well, I hadn’t changed clothes since we left and my socks were starting to fuse to my feet. Granted, neither of us had complained, and we weren’t radiating visible stink lines yet, so I wasn’t fully aware how much I needed a shower until we drove up. But stepping into that shower was one of the most relaxing and refreshing feelings after about 30 hours of being on the road. It was possibly the best 12 dollars I spent that entire drive.

As early afternoon rolled in on Monday, we entered Cleveland, looking to drive though the Lake View Cemetery. It was a gorgeous place; roads wound their way slowly through a well-tended green fields covered in enough verdant trees enough to cover almost the entire place in a soft, cool shade. Ducks waddled between the headstones, and several of the many ponds had seats for relaxing in the company of your family. It was a very comfortable place, a peace that was broken by only one spider alighting on my pants. I think we did quite well otherwise!

Apparently Eliot Ness, the man who helped bring down Al Capone, is buried here for some reason, because he wasn't even from Cleveland. I guess he just liked the area?

As one of our last stops, we decided to divert from the abrasive New York road to Watertown and see what all the fuss was about this Niagara Falls thing. People had been hyping it up for a while, saying it’s quite impressive, magical, one of those especially incredible sights. But surely those were all rumors. It couldn’t possibly live up to the hype, could it???

Yeah, it can. Of course it could. It’s Niagara Falls, what did you think I was going to say?

I don’t know if I’d ever get the option, but I would love to come and see Niagara Falls while there are no crowds. But even choked with people, Niagara Falls is spectacular enough that I kind of forgot about them all. The majesty of the falls is spectacular. It towers there, a mist-generating titan, over the water and miniscule tour boats below, demanding the attention of everyone save me, who got distracted by a Ferris Wheel.

The closest I've been to Canada, just on the other side of Niagara Falls.

In the end, we made it. We coasted in to Watertown at a cool 1:30 am on Tuesday morning. We weren’t there for long of course; a few hours of sleep on a wonderfully comfortable couch later, and we were back on the road, now up one extra friend and an actually reasonable amount of sleep. After the first part of the journey, the drive to Newark was fabulously easy. It seemed to just slide by. Northern New York is beautiful, in spite of the toll roads, and the weather was amazing, so we just drove without a care in the world (maybe one care) all the way from one end of the state to the other in an easy 6 1/2 hours. The end was a tired, but excited goodbye in a spanish restaurant parking lot in the middle of the mess that is New Jersey traffic. Then, it was off to New York, with the imposing figure of the 12:30 am flight with London painted across it looming in our future.

It’s strange seeing the U.S. whizz by through the windows of a car. I’ve been on two road trips in the last few months, and now I can say I’ve been to over half of the contiguous United States.The country really is quite beautiful. I’ve been so consumed with seeing other countries that I never really made the time to see my own. Plus, road trips allow you to see many of the country’s quirks. Kansas really is endless, featureless fields of corn that hide towns eager for your attention, yet somehow seem quite happy to be left alone, with the one exception of the town that the sign “Don’t leave. Turn back now.” That one was weird. It also had the Motel 9, which just gave it a strange feel, as if it were a slightly off place trying to imitate a welcome small town feel. New Mexico kept trying to convince us to stay with it’s enticing greetings signs and copious billboards that advertised roadside attractions as “The Place to Be”. Pennsylvania was just happy to see us (Thanks, Pennsylvania!). By comparison, New York couldn’t be bothered, and I think was very excited to get rid of us.

I’m so happy I did the drive - Certainly, I have a cool story to tell. It’s one of those you tell when people ask for ridiculous things you’ve done. Am I glad it’s finished? Yes, especially so I can move my legs into more than two different positions. Would I do it again? Absolutely. There’s always room in me for another adventure.

On a final note, I was so overcome with joy at a chance to return this dirty boy to a fabulous clean boy that I forgot to take pictures of the shower. So you’ll just have to imagine it on your own. Imagine, if you will, the immaculate tiles of the floor and the ceilings, the pristine folding of the blue towels, the surprisingly abundant but not gaudy gold filigree on the walls and around the mirror, the hot steam that partially obscured the marble lion statues that flanked the entrance to the shower itself, and the rose-colored glasses set off to the side on top of a pile of carelessly tossed clothes by one very excited boy from Arizona who was having the time of his life.

And not in a weird way. Don’t be gross.

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